The Final 2 - May 22, 2007

Well, here we are, Idol fans. Finally down to the final two. Sorry I wasn't able to blog last week. It was quite a week in The Seer's household. TSW gave birth Saturday night to our little bundle of joy (literally) - Sydney Joy, a.k.a. The Baby Seer! TSW and TBS are doing beautifully. Here are a couple shots of the little one:










As you can see, she's a little cutie. But, of course, she's much more than a pretty face. The powers she possesses are way beyond what even I had imagined. For instance, she lifted a car today with only her mind. And not some little car like a Mini Cooper or an AMC Gremlin, mind you. I'm talking about a Ford Expedition with the sport and power packages. Imagine what she'll do tomorrow...

Okay, let's talk Idol. You all know how disappointed I have been with this season, which has had all the excitement of a Bob Dole press conference. I was mildly surprised and a bit disappointed that Melinda was voted off last week. I thought she was easily the best vocalist on the show. In fact, nobody else was even close. I wasn't a huge fan and won't buy her records, but the best singer deserves to be on the final show every year. Now we're left with Blake, who I'm thrilled about since he was the most fun, exciting and original performer of the year; and Jordin, who I've thought was overrated all year long. So you know who I'm rooting for. By the way, a peculiar streak will come to an end tomorrow. All five American Idols to date have been southerners. Either Blake, who hails from the Seattle area; or Jordin, an Arizonan, will snap the streak.

On with the show...

So Paula "tripped over her dog," eh? That's code for,"I passed out from all the Vicodin and hit my forehead on the fist of the guy I happened to be with that night. What was his name again?"

Blake is starting things off tonight. His first song is 'You Give Love a Bad Name,' the absolute highlight of the season. I really wish Blake had changed his hair back. The old color was much more natural for him. This performance isn't having the same impact it did the first time, but that's only because it was such a breath of fresh air the first time. This time around, we had heard it all before, but it still reminded us of how great a performance it truly was. It's still one of the most original and fun performances in Idol history.

Oh no, there's Chris Richardson. I hate him. I hope he gets crabs.

Here's Jordin's first song. It's a little Xtina. I guess this is Jordin's song choice because I don't remember it from earlier this year. It was a very good performance. I do think that Jordin is talented and at her best is as good as anyone on the show this year. I'm skeptical, though, that she can put in two more great performances.

Round two. Blake did well with a Maroon 5 song a few weeks ago. Can he repeat that performance? Well, first of all, he's wearing my sweater. Seriously, I own that sweater. I KNEW I WAS COOL! Maybe I'll start wearing eyeliner, too! This isn't the greatest performance. His voice was a bit sharp, and the song just isn't all that fun. I think this was actually a mistake.

So I think Jordin has an opening here if she can bring the house down. What if she literally brought the house down? What if Ryan introduced her and she came out on stage with a sledgehammer and started banging away at the walls of the Kodak Theater, then ran outside and got into the cab of a wrecking ball machine and proceeded to bash the walls in until the whole building collapsed? That might be the only thing that could make this season worth watching. But, then again, where would the Oscars go next year? Okay, bad plan. So this song was great until Jordin got into the chorus, where it became a bit shaky, but then she brought it back home strong. What does that mean? Who knows. Overall, I thought it was very good. I'd give round two to Jordin. And why not? Paula says Jordin's in "great vocal voice" tonight. And Paula's in fantastic drunken drink.

Here's Blake singing the songwriting competition-winning song. I don't own that sweater. How would you describe Blake's overall look exactly? Geek chic? His outfit might be interesting, but this song sucks fat, fat ass. It's showing how weak his voice can be. A bad break for Blake. A bad Blake break. And TSW says he has a cat mouth, whatever the hell that means. Though I can't criticize her because she just gave birth to the greatest human being who will ever walk the planet. First there was Elvis Presley, then Bernie Kosar, and now Sydney Joy.

Jordin has a chance to seal this thing with her final song. Let's see if she can do more with this material. Well, she did more than Blake did with it, but it suited her style and talents much better than it did Blake's. Still, she didn't knock it out of the park. She's been inconsistent all season in my opinion, and this song was a good example of that. Good, but not great, and not worthy of an American Idol. But she cried at the end, so that should be the clincher.

So what do we have here? Simon said it's a singing competition, and he's right. He's also correct that she beat Blake in round 3. But that's more an indictment of Blake than an endorsement of Jordin. Jordin will win tomorrow night, but make no mistake...she is not in the same league as Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia Barrino or Carrie Underwood. Or even Melinda, for that matter.

Well, it was fun blogging for all of you out there in Seerland, but all good things must come to an end. Or all bad things, if you're talking about season six of American Idol. This is the second lackluster season in a row. Here's hoping that the show gets back on track next year!

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer

The Seer on Blake

Okay, I had to jump back on after watching Blake sing Roxanne. I want to go back to something I said back on April 8:
_______________

It's always fun when Blake comes around. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Blake's voice, and even his look, remind me of Sting. This might sound strange, but trust me, at some point one of the judges is going to make the Sting comparison and you'll shout at the TV, "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE SEER SAID!"
___________

So did you shout it? DID YOU? Does The Seer know his sh*t, or what? Paula feels me, dog. That's why she picked the song. He was great. It was his best vocal performance of the year. His second song was excellent, too. And Jordin's boring. Which means she'll probably win, That would be a travesty.

Seer out.

Sorry everyone!

Sorry, Idol fans. The Seer won't be able to blog tonight. He has family in town and he's doing lots of baby-related things. The Baby Seer is due in the next couple of days. I hope everyone enjoyed tonight's show. I'll try to get back on it next week for the finale...

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer

Wednesday, May 9

TSW wanted me to let everyone know that she meant to ask if Billy Joel had ever been on the show, not Elton John. I say if you've seen one piano player, you've seen 'em all.

The Final 4 - May 8, 2007

Good evening, Idol fans! The Seer here, ready to deliver what promises to be one of the most interesting blogs in recent memory. That's because The Seer won't actually be blogging. Instead, he'll be watching his beloved Cleveland Cavaliers take on the New Jersey Nets in game 2 of the NBA's Eastern Conference Semifinals. Sorry, Seer fans, some things simply take precedence. Like LeBron, for instance. LeBron takes precedence over everything but Skyline Chili.

But fear not, my loyal subjects. I have enlisted none other than The Seer's Wife to guide you through tonight's Final 4 show. While TSW herself does not have any special prognosticating skills, she is currently home to The Seer's Baby, who will make her grand debut at some point in the next ten days. And, as we all know, TSB will no doubt possess all of her father's wondrous abilities and then some. So, think of tonight's blog as a joint effort from the women in The Seer's life. That's, of course, if I can pry TSW away from her precious computer solitaire game, which is just slightly less difficult than creating cold fusion using only three paper clips and a pint of orange sherbet.

I have given TSW carte blanche to write anything she wants, as long as:

1. She makes me sound cool if she writes about me
2. She gives me a good back scratch later
3. She isn't funnier than I am
4. She doesn't tell any stories about how I constantly talk to myself (which would also violate rule #1, and possibly rule #3 as well)

I have great confidence in my lovely wife to carry on the grand Seer tradition. I wouldn't give a job this important to just anyone. In the four years since I started going out with her, I have found TSW to be bright, talented, funny, insightful and one of the best cooks I have ever dated. She can speak three languages fluently, and is one of the most dedicated watchers of crappy television I've ever known. She also happens to own the world record for the longest restaurant order - an amazing seven minute, 43 second effort at the Olive Garden in West Palm Beach, Florida that involved no fewer than three waitresses and two busboys.

So, without further ado, I present to you, live from wherever she happens to be right now...hey now...The Seer's Wife! (I'll be in the other room screaming obscenities at the television set. So, really, I'm just going to be doing the same thing I usually do on Tuesday nights at 8 pm, only in a different room with a different show. By the way, if you read something like, "Ohhhhhhh. OUUUCH! OWWWWWW! AHHHHHH!!!!" please give me a call and let me know. That means it's time for me to TiVo the Cavs game and get the car started.)

Hi all,

This is Stephanie, and I have never been to the Olive Garden. Just want to clear that up first thing. Don't know why I agreed to do this - I personally think that SLH would do a much better job!! Anyway, my goal is to watch this in real time and not hit pause in order to continue writing, like the seer does. I find it annoying to drag out AI another 20 - 30 minutes, and that, my friends, is why solitaire is an integral part of my viewing experience. We'll see if this is doable.

The Bee Gees episode - this should be fun! Not as fun as I think Abba would be, but that's just one of many artists on my list that I would love to see on the show. Has Elton John been on? I can't remember (much of anything these days). If not, he should. What about Sheryl Crow? No one ever sings her songs on this show.

Wow - Mr. Barry Gibb has not aged well. I wonder what his brother Andy Gibb would look like, had he lived. He was my huge elementary school crush. Barry certainly has a weird way of talking - it's a mixture of bad dentures, an Australian accent, and a lipless Lord Voldemort.

OK - I lied about the not pausing. Out of nowhere, I suddenly got an image of myself relishing a chocolate covered glazed donut. Of course we don't have any of those here, so I had to go rummage in the kitchen. I found a bag of brownie chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe's and am enjoying one now. I've got to get these things out of the house. Note to self - send to PCG with The Seer tomorrow!

Back to Melinda. Damn that was a good cookie.

Melinda looks SOOO much better with longer hair. You almost can't notice her lack of neck. I think this is a good song choice for her - what exactly are the women supposed to do with your canon of songs, Barry? Your whole schtick was singing in falsetto. Not sure what he would have chosen for her - or any of the female contestants for that matter. Without a doubt, Melinda is a great singer, and she's a good performer to boot. I just can't imagine what kind of album she would put out that I would want to buy. While she's the best singer on the show, I just don't get her as an American Idol. Wondering what the rest of you think about this??? That was a low blow from Simon - telling Melinda that was a "back-up" type of performance. Hitting her in her vulnerable place. Ouch.

Blake looks better blonde. Let's just put it on the table. Not impressed with him as a brunette, even with the blonde streaks in the front (which by the way is so 10 years ago - to be specific - so Claire in 90210). I have to say I'm not digging his falsetto, his cheesemeister outfit or his moves tonight. Anyone else notice that even when he's not singing his mouth is open? Kind of gives him a dumb, slackjawed look. Overall, boring and uncomfortably, effeminately weird. I'm not feeling him tonight, dawg.

LaKisha really showed great poise by watching the very weird looking Barry Gibb sing the "staying alive" chorus up in her face like that. She looks good tonight. I think her hair looks good (and as you can tell, that's what I'm paying attention to tonight!). I have the same complaint about her that I always do, though. I think she just looks dead in the eyes. Makes me doubt that she's feeling or channeling any authentic emotion at all. Makes me not buy her performance. To me that seemed like another mediocre performance by LaKisha.

Jordin is apparently Kelly Clarkson's fave this season. Kelly said she's young and not jaded yet. I think Jordin is a gorgeous girl with a lot of potential. She could drop 20 pounds and be a supermodel if this doesn't work out for her. Unfortunately this song is boring the bejeesus out of me. I don't have this kind of downtime - I could go into labor at any moment. Wish I was playing spider solitaire right now. I have no idea why the crowd is responding to her so warmly. I don't get it. I believe we're at the point in the season where the judges get really biased and give over the top critiques and praises to influence the vote. They've clearly decided that Jordin should be a top two contestant.

And now it starts all over again. Melinda, take two. She "prays" she's ready to perform to tonight. Anyone else notice how religious the contestants were this season? Melinda, Phil, LaKisha... There are a number of contestants who would probably be very happy as gospel singers after their AI experience. I can't believe the song choices tonight. Could someone puh-leeze choose an uptempo song. You've got the entire disco era to choose from. I would like to hear some booty-shaking music, and the baby seer really likes to get her groove on in-utero. I have a feeling The Seer will really like this song and this performance when he watches it later. It's putting me to sleep. Maybe I should bring a copy of this with me to labor and delivery for a little hypno-birthing.

Blake is trying to do something upbeat, and I sincerely appreciate that. Unfortunately, no one knows this song so it's a little hard to get into. I disagree with Barry that this song could be a hit - ever. Maybe I'll be eating these words later. Get Timbaland to produce it, and I guess anything could happen. Barry Gibb is not doing for the idols what Bon Jovi did for them. The energy is just not there like it was last week, when almost everyone sounded great.

LaKisha is doing, what else, a ballad. I think she's sounds better in her practice sessions than she does on stage. She's doing a better job on this unknown song than she's done in a while. You can hear some of the more interesting qualities in her voice that originally made me like her. From the judges comments, sounds like they have decided she needs to go home.

Jordin is singing a song that I used to love when I was in my Barbra Streisand phase way back when. Interested to hear her interpretation... So she dressed for prom. 'Tis the season. Guess she's got a hotel room booked and some mad dog stashed in the trunk of her car. Or maybe that's just how we did it in the South. At first I thought she sounded good on the high notes and that her voice was well suited for this song. Now it seems like she's just screeching at me. Stop it!!!!

So here are my predictions - I think LaKisha will go home, even though I think Jordin or Blake deserve to go home, though. Will I make a call to manifest my opinion either way? No I will not.

Thanks for reading! Tune in next week to see if The Seer is here blogging or has his hands full with a new baby! Ciao!

Hey dudes and dudettes. The Seer back with ya. It's halftime, and the Cavs have a three point lead. So how'd TSW do? I must say, I agree with every single thing she's written despite the fact that I haven't watched the show yet and I haven't read a word she wrote. I can just sense these things. I am a seer, after all. I'd like to thank the lovely TSW for pinch hitting for me tonight. She's a real trooper. I'd also like to thank her for not going into labor so I can watch the rest of my game.

(By the way, I'm surprised I got off so easy. There wasn't even one story of how I talk to myself about horse racing in the bathroom. And that happens at least four times a day.)

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Seer

The Final 6 (Again) - May 1, 2007

Howdy, Idol lovers! The Seer here, ready for another slam-bang night full of the sweetest singin' action anywhere. At least it would be if any of these freaks could actually sing. Is it just me, or does this whole season feel like one long episode of Punk'd? If it is, they must have a huge budget considering they'd need 30 million cameras to capture the reaction of all the viewers when Ashton Kutcher runs out on stage. So if one of these Tuesday nights a camera crew pops out of your closet, don't be frightened. Just enjoy your 15 minutes.

You know, I've often said one of the things that makes The Seer special is his spontaneity. (I've also often said how creepy it is that The Seer refers to himself in the third person.) Case in point: I have absolutely no idea who tonight's celebrity coach is. I think that really spices things up, don't you? So, right now, in front of all of you lovely people out in Seerland, I'm going to log on to americanidol.com and find out. One moment, please... God damn it! Bon Jovi? I can't make fun of Jon Bon Jovi. He's way too cool, too hip and too nice a guy. So instead I'll make fun of The Seer's Brother. Man, that TSB. What a dork, right?

Before we get on with the show, I should point out that there's no chance I'll actually be able to hear any of the contestants tonight because we have a really loud fan going in our room. Why do we have a really loud fan going in our room? Because our building was built in 1950 and its air conditioning system can only do heat or cool at any given time. In other words, when the building system is set to heat, it takes a week to switch it to cool. And it's still set to heat because, apparently, the elderly lobby in our building is as powerful as the Teamsters and they need the heat on when it's 65 degrees outside. Seriously, what's up with old people? They're ugly, they're evidently always cold, and they get in my way when I'm trying to walk fast.

On with the show...

Oh jeez, I just remembered that we still have six of these jerkwads to listen to. It's bad enough that they suck, but now we have to listen to them all again?

Jon Bon Jovi's actually starting to look a bit older. That's not a good sign for any of us. I mean, if he doesn't look so good anymore, what the hell chance do the rest of us have?

Phil starts things off tonight. You know what? Phil's starting to gain some serious momentum. Another excellent song choice. Of the three remaining male contestants, he is the best vocalist. Of course, the really loud fan in my room is a better vocalist than Chris. God I hate Chris. Anyway, great performance by Phil. I'm starting to think he's a dark horse to make the final two. That's one of the few times I agree with Randy and Paula and disagree with Simon.

Jordin's singing 'Livin' on a Prayer?' This has no choice but to suck. She's all rocked out tonight. Black clothes, dark lipstick. Frizzy hair. It's a different side of her, and that's good to see. I'm actually liking it more than I thought I would. And I'm sure the judges will love it. Jordin could arm fart the national anthem and they'd say they've never seen a 17 year old who could do that before. Well, Randy didn't like it all that much. Seems Paula didn't, either. Wow, Simon hated it. Hmmmm. I still think it was better than most of the stuff she's done.

Time for LaKisha, who was obviously replaced with a doppelganger eight weeks ago. She'd better do something big tonight, because she was lucky they didn't eliminate anyone last week. She's doing fine, but she should be doing great. She's like Fantasia Light. I think she should come out every week and sing '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' Just do it every time. Country night? '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' Rock and roll night? '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' Polka night? '(And I am Telling You) I Am Not Going.' That would be sweet. She was better tonight than she's been in weeks, but she wasn't amazing. Just good. Maybe very good. But not great.

It's Blake's turn. Hard to imagine Blake being a rocker. Okay, I just watched that whole performance without typing a word. I wanted to save my critique for when it was all over. I know you're all waiting with bated breath to hear what The Seer has to say about Blake's performance. So here it is... the single best performance of the year. Thank god for this kid. He has been just about the only reason to watch this dreadful season. Now, I'm not saying it was the best vocal performance of the year. But for sheer entertainment, it completely ripped every other performance to shreds this year. From the very first beat I was mesmerized. This performance showed once and for all that Blake is the most original and interesting performer this show has ever seen. He's not the best singer, but he's the best performer. And he has the balls to make each and every song his own. Way to go, Blake. You've just single-handedly made me want to watch this show again. I will vote for Blake tonight, and I haven't voted in three months.

Oh great. Chris is up. Good. I'm glad they put him after Blake. It will undoubtedly show how awful a performer he is. Remember when The Seer called Chris the most moronic person in America a couple weeks ago? Well, here's the transcription of the conversation he had with Ryan:

Ryan: What do you tell yourself before you walk out on that stage in front of the millions watching?

Chris: Hmmm. Just have fun. Make it like it's the last, you know. And just have fun, man. It's, it's, it's all about...just have fun.

The Seer rests his case. Why doesn't Ryan just say, "Dude, you're going home tonight. I'm sorry. There's really no reason to keep you around anymore." Incredibly, I think this is pretty good. It's actually a very good song choice for him. In fact, it might be his best performance of the season. Of course, I haven't liked many of his performances this year, so that's not saying much. Still, it was good, and I'm very surprised. (By the way, no one can ever accuse The Seer of not being objective. In case I haven't mentioned it, I hate Chris. But I give credit where credit is due.)

I like commercials with chicks in bras.

Melinda's closing things out tonight. Another great performance, and she moved effortlessly into the rocker mode. She's just a great singer, and she's gotten better with each passing week. Again, in terms of vocals, she's head and shoulders above the rest of the remaining contestants.

Paula was right. This was a very good night. I actually enjoyed every one of the six performances. It's going to be very difficult to eliminate two of these based on tonight's performances. Blake should get a free pass into the final three after his risky tour de force. Keep in mind that last week's votes count. If they have a bottom three, I'll go with LaKiska, Phil and Jordin, with LaKisha and Phil going home.

So there you have it. Another fantastic night of blogging, if I do say so myself. Wait a minute, what the hell's Zeorge Bush doing on my screen? Oh well, no show is perfect.

Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer

The Final 6 - April 24, 2007

Shalom, Idol fans. The Seer coming to ya tonight from...well, the same place he always comes to you from. His bed. The Seer's feeling a bit run down tonight after a rousing game of basketball with The Seer's Brother and The Seer's Nephew last night. His legs hurt, his arms hurt, and his knee hurts. Obviously, The Seer ain't what he used to be. But he can still see with the best of 'em. What does he see for tonight? Unfortunately, more crapola from the worst cast in American Idol history. Thank God there's an all-new House tonight.

On with the show...

So we've finally come to the much-ballyhooed "Idol Gives Back" show, eh? I wish they'd give these contestants back. I wish they'd give me back the hours I've devoted to blogging this bullplop. But mostly, I wish they'd give Antonella back to the American people.

Chris is up first tonight. Let's see if he can inspire us like his song is supposed to. Nope. This guy is a one trick pony, and the trick sucks. I could go out on the street right now, round up thirty random people and I guarantee I would find a singer who's better than this guy. Not only do I think he's an awful singer, I have a feeling he's one of the dumbest people in American history. In fact, I happened to be on the Idol set earlier this week and I overheard the following exchange between Chris and an Idol producer:

Producer: Hey Chris, what song are you singing this week?
Chris: Me sing good.
Producer: I know, Chris, you are good. But what song are you singing?
Chris: Pork chop good.
Producer: Yes, Chris, pork chops are good. Now what song are you singing?
Chris: Tums?
Producer: No, Tums is an antacid. I need to know your song.
Chris: Jerry Orbach.

Or something like that. What the hell is Randy talking about? He's in it to win it? Win what? The Worst Contestant of the Year award? Simon, too? Give me a break. I defy anyone to point out one good thing about that performance, other than the fact that it ended. I sense a theme here tonight. It' s possible the judges, even Simon, won't want to criticize anyone tonight due to the serious nature of the show's theme. There's no other way to explain their reaction to Chris's awful performance.

Melinda's next. I don't think this is a very good song choice, but as usual she's making the most of it. Melinda is simply the best vocal talent on the show this year. It's not even close. Vocally, it's like Goliath against a bunch of Davids. She's making everyone else look silly. By the way, I know I say this all the time, but she really does sound like Shirley Bassey. Go listen to some Shirley and you'll understand.

It's Blake's turn. Okay, he's taking a risk singing such an amazing, recognizable song. He's doing a nice job with it. As I always say, Blake doesn't have the greatest voice in the world, but his voice does have a unique quality to it. Plus, he's just so likable. It's almost impossible not to root for the guy, unlike that freakoid Chris. I hope Chris is rushed to the hospital tonight for an emergency appendectomy. Then they can bring back Kat McPhee to take his place!

Let's see if LaKisha can turn things around. She's singing a Fantasia song. Interesting choice. And it's not a good one. All she's showing tonight is that she's not as good as Fantasia. And it's not like we're saying she's not as good as Mariah Carey or someone like that. When you pale in comparison to Fantasia, you've got a problem. LaKisha has been a real disappointment this season, and she'll be lucky to survive the week.

Well, so much for my theory that the judges will go easy on everyone tonight. So what the hell were they thinking when they heaped all that praise on Chris? Stupid Chris.

Here comes Phil. I hope he does well, because I like Phil, unlike Chris, who I hate. TSW never fails to mention that he sounds like Jon Secada. I'd like to agree with her, but I'm not sure I've ever heard a Jon Secada song. She just said it again! That's twice in 30 seconds. Miss Originality over here. Well, I've never heard this song, and I'm kind of happy about that, because it's as boring as a Browns game. Having said that, I thought he sounded good singing it. He has a very good voice that's excellent when he picks something that works well for him.

Jordin's last tonight. I'm still not sold on her. I know I'm in the minority here, but I'm willing to see if she can change my mind. Well, she just missed a note big time. This is why I'm not a huge fan of Jordin's. She's just not very consistent. This was not a very good performance. She sounded like she was screaming most of the time and she missed a lot of notes. She's simply not ready for prime time yet, and I think she gets a pass because she's only 17 and she's pretty. Randy says it's one of the best vocals in the history of the show? That's preposterous. If I were Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken I'd send a bag of flaming poop to the judges' homes.

That'll do it for tonight. Make no mistake, Melinda's easily the best singer this season. The bottom three tomorrow? I'll go with Chris, LaKisha and Phil, with Lakisha going home.

Time to go watch an all-new House. I hear it's his toughest case ever!

I hate Chris.

Sincerely,
Your Friendly, Neighborhood Seer